For better, or worse.

"There is no love here, and there is no pain. Everyday is exactly the same." -Nine Inch Nails

Sometimes being sad makes me wonder if being happy was really ever worth it.
because if you were never happy, you wouldn't know un-happy.
or at least, i like to think that's how it works.
i like to think that if i went back and erased everything that was ever good about my life, that i'd be better off.
that's not a lot to ask for, is it?
Being numb?
Because yeah, I would trade every smile and laugh just to get rid of everything else- all the tears and self-hatred and cynicism acquired through the years.
Maybe one day i could be in a place where i didn't feel like that.
But somehow i doubt it.

So......Poems.

I write them sometimes.

here's a few snippets on things i'm working on:

"I can't undo the things i've done,
and there's not a name for the person that i was.
but i was selfish, i was wrong, and i regret it,
and i'll apologize, for all the good it does."
-Better

"They had never really loved him, and i always had.
So i thought of nothing but him, while they thought nothing of him."
-Lingering

"I won't pretend that it destroyed me, but i can't pretend that it doesn't try."
-Hook

"There's another, he's the other, he's the one- so just remember, i love him, and never you."
-Unnamed

If this is at all interesting, i have other, finished poems i can post.
Until then, dicks n shit, yo.

The More You Know

In case anyone hasn't noticed- and by anyone i mean the one person who once commented who may or may not have been a spambot- i use heavily concentrated amounts of sarcasm in my (few-and-far-between) blog posts. It's laced into pretty much everything i say, and in all honesty, i don't give a rat's squiggly ass if it offends your delicate sensibilities. Move the fuck on, get over it.
Now, for what i really wanted to say: while doing the dishes this afternoon, a sort of metaphysical fact became relevant to me:
people are dicks.
All people. They are dicks. They will screw you over and smile at you while they do it, for they are dicks.
And because of this, when it comes to something you want, you can't just sit there and expect it to fall into your lap, irregardless of if you deserved it. In fact, especially if you deserved it.
I know a lot of hard working people who have never and probably will never get any adequate form of compensation for their efforts, and i also know a lot of spoiled, morally bankrupt twits who wouldn't know the meaning of a dollar if it punched them in the face. (and really, they ought to be punched in the face.)
So, what i'm saying is, if you want something, go get it. Go make it fucking happen. Because that's how it's done-
on your own.
Dicks and shit, yo.